Treatment

The thing that i dreaded most is apparent before me. I need treatment for this eye thingy and need it now. Thinking that my visit to the eye doc was conclusive and evaded all other issues but alas, my rheumatology doc gave chase. Just in case you dont get what i mean, here's the story....

On Tues was my appt to see her, Dr Ng. When she heard about the eye thingy and saw the cotton wool spot, she needed me to do more eye test to conclude or diagnose the extent of that lesion in my eye. But there are politics in hosp and so she cant order the eye tests for me unless i am seen by the eye doc. And so, i was made to see the head of department and waited 3 hours in total for the whole saga to be over. At the end of it, i had to go back to see another eye doc yesterday, a retinal specialist coz this head of department is more specialized in areas like tumour, eyelid condition and growth, etc. My appt with Dr Ng was too short, in fact, it wasnt a full consult as in she needed to know what is happening to my eye before she decide on next course of action for me. Hence, she called me last night to see her today, of which i was trying to avoid till i return from NTM coz i know she wont give up but pursue the matter, just as she did to my fever.

Sigh......she took pains to explain everything to me. And seriously, as much as i hate to admit, Lem Lem is right about my blog. It is beginning to liken a medical journal....a sick medical journal of who else but me. I dont want it to go that direction and so i hope this will be my last entry on sickness (which is highly impossible) but i will try to be brief coz it is too complicated for details.

Her conclusion of my cotton wool spot:

1) Vasculitis - inflammation of blood vessels - which may be a result of my disease

2) Clot - from heart - which is not possible since i had an ultrasound done and cleared of heart problems but you never know. Clot can also be from some mechanism in me that is fouled up.

3) Vasoconstriction - which is also a result of my other disease condition which is too elaborate to speak here.

At least one thing is clear to me: it is not caused by the new drug i am on and she told me i can go ahead with it. BUT since my symptoms are confounding, nothing is conclusive, especially so since i refuse to go for angiogram of the eye to check blockage. With this, she will treat me for the above 3 possible diagnosis.

Her concern is that my disease is very active and still not being controlled by the new drug. She wants to do more, to curb it, to halt it. The eye sensation thingy may occur and no one knows where is the primary cause. I have 4 options to choose:

a) Wait and see and do nothing, just continue with my injection.....i am most delighted with this coz i really dont want to take anymore medicine!

b) Treat aggressively with some vein injection of cancer drug....3 monthly doses. This treatment will render me with excessive hairloss, vomitting ...just like patients undergoing chemotherapy. This option will also mean i cannot go to NTM next Friday coz it will render me extremely weak and vunerable to any disease.

c) Treat aggressively as option B plus steroid injection to enhance potency. Both these options will require me to stay in hospital during the day.

d) Treat conservatively with oral tablets of steroid (low dose) and i have to take every day to prevent any occurrence. This low dose will also help to treat blood vessels inflammation if i am having one now. BUT, when i get the vision thingy once more, i need to take a very high oral dose and fly back immediately to seek treatment.

Guess which option i took? FYI, i HATE steroids. i DETEST steroids. I saw how my mom suffered from its effects and i tell myself i rather die from disease than to take steroids.

A was my choice but Dr Lowly looked disapprovingly. Both Dr Ng & him told me i can go blind if my retinal vasculitis is left untreated. So serious??? But no one knows if i do have vasculitis and now she is proposing to hit it hard without knowing what is really going on. I rather choose option B than D. My heart keeps telling me no steroids but option B mean i cant go NTM. I did ask Dr Ng if i can postpone option B till after NTM and it was a No No coz if there is vasculitis, i need to get treated now and not 3 weeks later.

Argh............sigh................argh...................sigh.......................see my frustration???

It was almost an hour of consultation and all of us extremely hungry at 2.15pm. Dr lowly told me it is a very low dose of steroids and only for 2 weeks. It wont kill me nor have me ended up like what my mom suffered. Biting my lips, i agreed to option D.

Now i have daily medicine for all 3 possible diagnosis and they will travel with me next week. And you know what, steroids are the bitterest medicine ever made!!!! Yuks Yuks!