I was making some plans, thinking through projects on hand and listening to mp3 songs in my HP. The nurse spotted me and came to say hello. This prompted my neighbour to speak. She asked if i were a patient, what kind of medical patient, what disease, how long, what treatment, etc. And both ladies scrutinized my whole being and body as i replied. i didnt feel comfortable, much less to talk about my condition to a total stranger. I felt repulsive but i didnt want to be impolite and so my answers were just Yes, No and short sentences.
After the "interrogation" stopped, i paused to think why all these? Never mind if i were being questioned, i should have brought in the goodness of God in my replies or at least ask them back. I prayed a secret prayer and was about to open my mouth when the nurse called out my neighbour's name. As the ladies stood up to go into the doc's room, i couldnt help but notice one of them was limping.... in fact, her left foot is tilted at an angle. The whole sole didnt touch the ground. She walked with an umbrella as support and i could tell her other leg was also affected. She turned around to look at me and i flashed my first warm smile.
Now i understood why. From all the questioning, i deduced the lady has a sudden onset of disease and was caught unaware and it quickly developed to this crippling stage. I can see her pain as she struggled to walk. I can see her disability and discomfort and most important, her distress. Apart from the pain on my right hand that day (which seems like forever there kind of thing....maybe since church camp), i seem "perfectly ok" to them (btw, the other lady who shot questions at me accompanied this lady for checkup, most likely sister or relative.....erh playing detective here).
The point is, i didnt seize the opportunity to tell them God's goodness in my life when i had the chance. I reacted wrongly and felt offended. My turn was next and i was ill-prepared - no tract in my bag. Guilty guilty.
Why am i so uptight about my disease? I have my fair share of struggles. The pain that cripple me and render me sleepless nights and weary days may have overwhelmed me but i have never lost sight of the One who knows the future. Nvm if my prognosis will be like that lady in years to come or sooner, I should be contented and i should be ready to share. Where is the "Nick" in me? Everyday is full time service. Why am i able to share God's goodness to my brethren but not able to talk about my disease to strangers....to lost souls? What is wrong with me? Orientalness.... being a Chinese and protective about oneself? Sigh.... a lesson learned and i felt i could have connected because i am also a "victim" of this dreaded disease.
I will look out for her in my subsequent visits and God help me to be ready.
No comments:
Post a Comment